Perfect 0.0 GPA
PERFECT 0.0 GPA – December 15, 2025 – Paris, Tennessee, USA
Harley Lewis had always lived in the shadow of his overachieving big sister. When she left home to study chemistry at the University of Memphis, Harley’s parents decided it was also a good place for him. Throughout his junior and senior years of high school, he tried to convince them he and college were not a good fit.
“I’m thinking something more like trade school,” Harley explained to his dad. “You know how I like taking things apart and putting them back together. I could learn how to fix engines or air conditioners.”
“The more schooling you get, the more money you’ll make,” his dad replied.
“Someone came to my shop class and told us we can make good money in a lot less time by going to trade school.”
“Maybe. But college isn’t just about making money. That’s where I met my best friends. That’s where I met your mom. College is a time to make great memories.”
“Why can’t I make friends in trade school?”
Harley’s dad mumbled something about it not being the same and how he would be better off in the long run by going to college.
Despite Harley’s resistance, his parents enrolled him in a prep class for the ACT test and pestered him to keep his grades up. They filled out most of his application to the University of Memphis and celebrated enthusiastically when he was admitted. They signed him up for on-campus housing and surveyed the course catalog for classes he would enjoy.
“But this isn’t what I want, it’s what you want,” Harley said to his parents.
“All we’re asking is you give it a try,” his dad replied. “Go for one semester and if you don’t like it, you can do something else. But I’m sure you’ll like it. It’s not the same as high school.”
Harley begrudgingly accepted his fate and the entire family drove down to Memphis to get him situated before the start of the fall semester. His mom helped him tuck new sheets onto his dorm-room mattress and spilled countless suggestions on how he might decorate the walls. His dad played with the new laptop Harley would use for his classes.
“I wish it was me starting college again,” his mom said with tears in her eyes when they said goodbye. “You’ll have so much fun.”
“Make us proud,” his dad added. “Make good friends and remember your sister is here to watch over you. She can tell you everything you need to get a perfect GPA.”
When he was left alone, Harley quickly found that his dad was right about college being different than high school. The campus was like its own city. He was signed up for five classes but each one only had three scheduled meetings per week. If he marked on a weekly calendar where he was supposed to be at any given hour, there were lots of time gaps where he was not expected to be anywhere. He spent the first couple of weeks showing up when and where the schedule dictated. Four out of five classes met in large rooms filled with people. The twenty-or-so students in his badminton class collected in one corner of a basketball court.
Most of the time, Harley was confused about what he was doing. None of his teachers took roll. They talked a little about homework assignments but no one seemed to care if he did them. Even finding the assignments was confusing and every teacher hid them on a different kind of webpage. His parents promised he would make lifelong friends but after two weeks, almost everyone felt like a stranger. He had given it a try, but Harley made up his mind that he did not like college.
The one person he knew pretty well was his roommate, a country boy from Mississippi who went by the nickname, Elvis. Elvis brought an Xbox to school and he and Harley left their dorm room door open while they played games together. Random people walked in and out to watch. That included Buster, a sixth-year senior still living in the dorms. He claimed to know everything about the University of Memphis, from the secret tunnels under the campus to where you could fill up a bucket with free liquid nitrogen.
“You know about the secret GPA rules, right?” Buster asked Harley and Elvis as they played Call of Duty.
“No. Tell us.”
“The first one is if your roommate dies. You get a perfect 4.0 for the semester.”
Harley and Elvis exchanged glances, sizing up the chances of the other having an unexpected heart attack.
“The second one is if you get a 0.0 GPA, you get your tuition money back.”
Harley lost interest in the game controller and turned around to face Buster. “Is that true?”
“Absolutely. I swear it. They call it ‘non est’. It means you didn’t exist so they can’t charge you for it.”
Harley had a brilliant new idea and he felt like it needed to be explained. “My parents are making me be here for one semester before I can do what I want. I might as well shoot for a 0.0. Then they get their money back and I can prove I’m not good at college.”
“Bro, that’s a sick plan,” Buster replied excitedly. “Let me give you some advice about failing classes. The best way is to not show up. And you have to ignore all their messages. Sometimes you’ll get a bleeding-heart professor who wants you to come in and talk about your feelings and how you can still pass the class. Before you know it, you’re writing all this extra junk. Just ignore their texts and emails.”
“Okay. That’s easy enough.”
From that point on, Harley stopped attending his scheduled class times. As far as he knew, no one noticed. His sister was supposed to be checking on him, but she was neck deep in her overloaded junior year. Between her organic and physical chemistry courses, she had no time to worry about her little brother.
At first, Harley wasted a lot of time. He played Elvis’s Xbox, and with Buster’s guidance, pursued free pizza at events all over campus. Slacker life was fun for a while, but he began feeling bored and maybe even a little guilty. As he returned from a poetry reading that included free pizza, he saw a sign advertising student jobs with the university’s facilities department. Harley went in the next day and met Lester, who handled all things related to heating and air conditioning. Lester offered him a job on the spot and Harley accepted.
The rules for student employment said that Harley could work at most 20 paid hours per week. He clocked in for 20 hours, but spent more like 40 acting as Lester’s apprentice. Lester was more than happy to have the help and in ten weeks he put Harley through a crash course in heating and cooling systems. When December arrived, Lester was the only person Harley regretted leaving when he returned home for the winter break.
Harley’s parents produced countless questions about his classes and his new friends. Harley was short on details for everything except his part-time job. He loved talking about ductwork and leaky heating coils. When his family woke up to a cold morning and a dead furnace, Harley jumped to the rescue.
“It’s not a big deal. Just your oxygen sensor,” Harley said to his dad after disassembling the furnace. “I can fix this with some sandpaper. But we really should take a look at your ducts.”
Harley’s dad watched him work and almost grew choked up with admiration. “I never realized you had such a knack for this stuff. You know, Son, whatever you decide you want to do for a career, it’s fine with me. Whether or not that includes college.”
Harley smiled and said, “I know we haven’t talked about it yet, but I have a surprise for you. It’s about the whole college thing.”
“What is it?”
“You’ll see when we look at grades.”
In what had become a family tradition since his older sister did so well in college, everyone gathered around a computer to admire her grades as soon as they were posted and available. Harley planned on this being the time when he would reveal his perfect 0.0 GPA and with it his tuition refund.
That afternoon, Harley and his sister opened their laptops at the kitchen table with their parents watching. His sister logged into her college account first. Before accessing her grades, she said, “I just want to warn you, it was a hard semester. I probably took too many classes. I’m still hoping for all A’s, but it comes down to how I did on the final exams.”
She clicked to the screen showing the result – a mix of A’s and B’s. Her GPA for the semester was 3.6 after running a gauntlet of hard-nosed chemistry professors determined not to let grade inflation take hold in their little kingdom.
Harley’s parents smiled politely and tried to console his sister. “That’s still really good. And your overall GPA is still over 3.9.”
Harley’s sister frowned and huffed in disappointment. “I told you it was hard.”
The rest of the family turned toward Harley and his open laptop. Suddenly, revealing what he expected to be a 0.0 GPA did not seem like such a great idea. “Maybe I should show you later.”
“No, let’s do it now.”
“Alright. But let me start by saying this was my way to get your money back.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’ll see.”
Harley’s parents grimaced in anticipation as their son clicked his way to the correct webpage. He expected to see E’s next to the names of his classes. Harley did not know that when she chose his classes, his mom stumbled upon a collection of teachers and circumstances that made failure impossible. Harley had not even come close.
His first class was an introduction to engineering that included some tinkering labs. It was taught by a curmudgeonly professor who had adopted his own grading scale. Everyone in the class got between a B- and a B+ no matter what they did. Harley was awarded a B-.
The badminton class’s teacher graded entirely on attendance but stopped keeping track after the second week. As far as his instructor was concerned, Harley had perfect attendance. A.
The professor in charge of his intro to statistics class was on the verge of retirement. He was angry at the university and his colleagues for a list of grievances and wanted to leave a mess behind. He decided to give his entire class A’s or E’s based on a coin flip. The class won. Another A.
Harley’s writing class happened to contain another student with the name Harley Lewis. The second Harley Lewis was a determined and talented writer who turned in all his essays. Some of the grades for those essays were recorded under one Harley Lewis and others for the second Harley Lewis. The instructor and teaching assistants found the mistake late in the semester and decided it was easiest not to make a fuss and simply award both Harley Lewis’s full points. A.
In Harley’s Philosophy of Ethics class, the professor was angry over a memo he read asking instructors to reduce the number of D’s and E’s given in classes. The professor decided to make a point by giving none. In fact, he gave all A’s. Including one to Harley.
To his great surprise, Harley’s GPA for the semester was 3.7, which was higher than his sister’s. He stared at the screen wearing a dumbfounded look. “I don’t know what happened. It was supposed to be perfect.”
“Hey, that’s pretty close,” his dad said encouragingly. “You don’t have to be perfect all the time. Neither of you do. We just love the fact that you worked so hard. Harley, you were probably hoping for a 4.0 scholarship like your sister’s, but don’t worry too much about the money.”
Harley looked into his parents’ adoring faces and quickly decided to stay quiet about the 0.0 GPA scheme.
“Now that you did so well in college, I’m thinking you’ll probably want to go back. But if you decide on trade school, we’ll support that too. It’s your decision.”
Harley pretended to think deeply. “I guess I’ve shown I can do college if I want to, but I still don’t think it’s for me. I got all those A’s, but I probably won’t remember anything from my classes. I’ll remember welding pipes a lot more. I want your blessing to go to trade school.”
Harley’s dad smiled like he had just finished a long race in second place. “A deal’s a deal. We’ll support you no matter what.” Harley turned to his sister and said, “Let me write down for you all the places you can get free pizza.”
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